If it weren’t for certain dick-raising Olympic events like volleyball or mini-skirt tennis,  I wouldn’t even know the games existed. You can expect nothing less than perfection with these following female super-athletes and their super-hot bodies. Every four years, these gorgeous women train and toil and subject their minds and muscles to extremely grueling conditions, ever vying for lifetime recognition a la Olympic gold. Even if they end up losing by some silly .002 second margin, these Olympic babes still get us across the finish line!

Alternate cheesy ending sentence:

“These Olympic hotties will make sure your torch never goes out!”

Right.

1.) Lauren Marie Sesselmann

This 28-year-old knockout will be representing Great Britain in tennis this year.

2.) Hanna Marie Seppala

Age: 27
Team: Finland
Event: Freestyle Swimmer

O.K, gonna go home and bust out some bicep curls now. Wow.

3.) Blair Evans

Age: 21
Team: Australia
Event: Middle Distance freestyle swimmer

 

4.) Kaylyn Kyle

Age: 23
Team: Canada
Event: Soccer

Goofy candid soccer shot…

Ah, that’s better.

 

5.) Xue Chen

Age: 23
Team: China
Event: Outdoor Volleyball

6.) Kim Glass

Age: 27
Team: USA
Event: Indoor Volleyball

*Interesting tidbit: Kim tried out for America’s Top Model…5 times.

7.) Alex Morgan

Age: 22
Team: USA
Event: Soccer

Olympic Ass…I think I’ve just seen the face of god

8.) Caroline Wozniacki

Age: 22
Team: Denmark
Event: Tennis
Current Olympic Earnings: $12 million

 

9.) Nastia Liukin

Even though this overall 2008 world champion won’t be competing this year, she’ll still be in London in some kind of honorary capacity.

Age: 22
Team: USA

10.) Lolo Jones

Age: 29
Team: USA
Event: 100m hurdles

Interesting Shit You Didn’t Know: Being a hardcore Christian, Lolo Jones said that her biggest life challenge wasn’t training for the Olympics but staying a virgin!

“If there’s virgins out there, I’m going to let them know, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Harder than training for the Olympics, harder than graduating from college, has been to stay a virgin before marriage.” – Lolo Jones

11.) Casey Eastham

Age: 23
Team: Australia
Event: Women’s Field Hockey

*widely recognized as being the best field hockey player in the world.

Holy

Fuck

Balls

12.) Darya Klishina

Age: 21
Team: Russia
Event: Long Jump

Okay, one more.

13.) Josefine Oqvist

Age: 28
Team: Sweden
Event: Soccer

14.) Stephanie Rice

Age: 24
Team: Australia
Event: 200m individual medley.

 

15.) Maria SHARAPOVA

There’s a lot of anticipation riding on Maria Sharapova’s comeback this year at the London games.

Age: 25
Team: Russia
Event: Tennis
Prize Earnings: $21 million

 

16.) Maria Kirilenko

Age: 25
Team: Russia
Event: Tennis

 

 17.) Hope Solo

Age: 30
Team: ‘MERICA
Event: Soccer (goalie)

18.) Ana Ivanovic

Age: 24
Team: Serbia
Event: Tennis

 

19.) Elodie Clouvel

Age: 23
Team: France
Event: Pentathlon (swimming, horse-riding, horse-jumping, gunplay, fencing, what the fuck?! Did your balls recede into your asshole too?)

20.) Allison Stokke

Holy fuck, I can’t believe I missed her. (Thanks to redditor “knockflock“) Allison is like nuclear bomb hot.

Age: 23
Team: ‘MERICA!
Event: Pole Vault

Michelle Jenneke Gives the Entire Internet Collective Boner

This following vid has been setting the internet on fire.
19-year-old Australian hurdler, Michelle Jenneke has the sexiest warm-up dance in the history of sexy warm-up dances. Check out her hip-bumping adorable-ness!