Before they shimmied their way into the public consciousness and knighted with the ever-diminishing title of “Celebrity,” some actors had to earn their stripes in the trenches of porn! Thanks to the internet, we’re yanking out all their naked skeletons outta the closet!

1.) Sylvester Stallone

Before Stallone became the world’s most famous, recognized fake movie boxer and/or invincible one man army, Sly was so broke, he was squatting in a New York bus station for three whole weeks! I like to think he passed the time playing hobo drums on trash cans and making fast friends with terrier-sized rats – that is until Fate smiled upon him in the form of casting call for a porno flick.

In Stallone’s own slurred words, “it was either do that movie or rob someone, because I was at the end – the very end – of my rope.” Yeah, no shit, Rambo. So he made his very first starring role in 70′s soft core porn feature, “The Party at Kitty and Stud’s” with the Italian Stallion winning the titular role of “Stud.” His pay? A whopping 200 bucks.

Nothing motivates a man like not having a flushable toilet

2.) Jackie Chan

Say it isn’t so! Beloved international ass-kicking movie star, Jackie Chan made an old vintage dirty skin flick by the name of “All in the Family.” When confronted with his one-time porno past, Chan brushed it off, stating, “I had to do anything I could to make a living 31 years ago, but I don’t think it’s a big deal, even Marlon Brando used to be exposed in his movies.” Yeah, point taken, Jackie, but its fucking Brando who pretty much built Hollywood brick by brick with illustrious Oscar-worthy fare like “A Street Car named Desire” and “The Wild One” when you’ve made dogshit like “The Tuxedo.” Just sayin’.

I heard his penis did its own stunt work too

3.) Cameron Diaz

By far, the weirdest and funniest celebrity porn past belongs to Cameron Diaz. At the tender age of 19, before she landed “The Mask”, Cameron Diaz starred in a cheap-looking DIY softcore porn where she donned a ratty-looking, titty-exposing leather femdom suit. From what I could gather from grainy internet videos, it looks like she’s spanking some poor dude in an abandoned warehouse. Enjoy?

So that’s what the gimp looks like with his mask off

4.) Tanya Roberts

I recognize Tanya Roberts from exactly two appearances: her MILF-a-licious role as “Midge” in “That 70′s Show” and fucking “Beastmaster” which played incessantly on HBO. I believe she was billed as “Slave Girl 1.” But totally unbeknownst to me was her foray into soft core porn, you know that sad territory – the simulated coitus, the bobbing of the head to infer she’s slobbing a knob. Hey, I watch real porn precisely so I DON’T have to use my imagination.

HBO (Hey, Beastmaster’s On)

5.) Jaimee Foxworth aka “Crave”

Remember Jaimee Foxworth, who played Carl’s daughter off 90′s hit sitcom, “Family Matters” starring hyper-geek, Steve Urkel? Sorry about the nasally flashbacks, but did you know that Jaimee went on to make hardcore porno movies? I haven’t even got to the best part yet: Porn.com has the scene and it’s totally free to watch right here.

Carl is going to be sooo pissed!

Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

  1. Anonymous:

    damn i had no idea

  2. ted:

    Don’t mean to promote stereotypes, but every Asian guy I’ve seen nude or had sex with had a small weiner. What was Jackie Chan sporting that he could do porn.? Then again, size doesn’t matter, so we should enjoy seeing all types of men nude or in porn.

    • Krakle:

      There are plenty of Asians who have decent sized penises – as in average to above average (except for Blacks who tend to be bigger, of course.) By average to above average, I mean 6 to 8 inches. There aren’t quite as many Asians with the HUGE penises though. For me? A nice little stubby 4″ or 5″ is absolutely fine – on the right guy, that is.

      • Rex Ridgewood:

        Agreed. I’m one of them! ;) and not of the stubby variety.

  3. EdBag:

    How is Tanya Roberts efforts porn?