Halloween MUST be different for porn stars than it is for the rest of us. Come the 31st, you’ll see all your fellow dead-eyed working stiffs really come alive when they trade in their boring pant suits and khakis for fishnet stockings and open-chested Zorro shirts.

To us regular folks, it’s pretty exciting connecting with our inner sluts, but to porn stars, risque and skimpy outfits just come with the territory, kind of like Flava Flav dangling a gaudy kitchen clock from his neck for no goddamn reason at all other than looking completely fucking mad.

Crack-addicted timelords aside, here are some famous porn stars and their Halloween costume Do’s and Don’ts:

1.) DO

To all fanboys with unresolved Heath Ledger tragedy boners, now here's your chance.

I don’t know if you know this, but Nerd is the new Cool. If blond porn star, Lindsay Marie (who really looks like this) decking herself out in white kabuki makeup to personify her favorite comic villain isn’t an indication that nerds have won their revenge, well, then, meathead, might I direct you to here.

 

2.)  DON’T

"I'm too sexy for my - imagination"

 

Hey, it’s Tera Patrick looking like she ransacked Avril Lavigne’s punk-lite closet for shitty clothes. Frankly, I expected a lot more in terms of creativity from the busty 5’9 Eurasian starlet. Here’s her golden chance to get ironic laughs by dressing up as something silly like a Chilean miner or the Hamburglar, but instead, on the biggest costume-driven holiday, Tera Patrick goes as a porn star. That’s like me saying I’m going as a human being this year. Boo.

For one of the most popular adult performers, that’s pretty anti-climatic.

3.) DON’T

I was a Teenage Jugaloo

Scene-ster lovebirds, Dane and Faye just look fucking stupid. Together, they’re doubly stupid. Hint: Don’t get half-ass costume ideas from the Hot Topic sales rack.

4.) DO

Merciful Hera! You naughty bondage queen, you.

 

Sasha Grey leads the charge as the new millennium’s “It Girl” and I’m not just talking about porn. This real wonder woman has successfully broken into the mainstream, appearing in “Entourage” and “The Girlfriend Experience.” I hope this is a real press photo for some Wonder Woman porn that I don’t know about yet. I’ve got my fingers crossed for that ultimate Superman/Batman  DP team-up…

 

5.) Do (all the time)

Not your dad's Mario

 

Things have come full circle. Don’t try to deny it. So what if the world’s most famous  pixelated plumber Mario is best personified by sleaze incarnate, Ron mothertruckin’ Jeremy? If the goomba-stompin’ shoe fits, right? Not technically Ron’s Halloween costume, but dammit if that fat cocklord doesn’t look smashing, even if he’s wearing  Mickey Mouse’s serial strangler mitts.

 

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  1. TeeKay:

    Dane Cross definitely pulls off a mean juggalo